


Lily's Sacrifice

by RachelisTheWendyBird



Series: In the Life of Severus Snape [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 07:35:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3373169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachelisTheWendyBird/pseuds/RachelisTheWendyBird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Lily reflects on the past and makes the ultimate sacrifice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lily's Sacrifice

It’s odd really, how people can think that they really, truly know another person. Because all it takes is one moment, just one word, action, or stare, and you see a stranger before you. Lily had had enough experience with that to consider herself an expert. Honestly, she felt that the more you believed you knew a person, the less you actually did. People, after all, are not manuscripts that stand unaltered, a little lost in translation perhaps but still always the same story. Nor are they stones, being slowly weathered away or metamorphosed, things that you can watch happen and even predict. No, people were like rivers; they flowed on forever, running through motley landscapes, constantly changing. They could be cold, tepid, or warm. Sometimes they rose up in an oncoming storm, flooding their banks and swallowing everything in their wake, and sometimes they dried to a trickle, barely able to sustain themselves. There were different creatures to discover living in the depths and the shallows. And at times they were poisoned by their surroundings.

A loud bang and a squeal of laughter from the other room brought Lily out of her reverie. She was standing in front of the sink in her little kitchen, washing dishes the muggle way. James often teased her for doing many homely tasks without magic, but to Lily it felt familiar, and she liked having things do to with her hands, especially when her mind was troubled. The feel of warm soapy water and watching the remnants of meals wipe clean away was rhythmic and soothing to her. 

The thing occupying Lily’s mind was Severus Snape. Actually, if she was honest with herself Severus was always on her mind, ever since the end of their fifth year at Hogwarts. But normally he was like a ghost, floating quietly at the back of her mind. Lately he was all she could think about. Old memories of childhood had awoken, she had been through all her old pictures several times, lingered over every single Christmas and birthday present he’d ever given her, and spent a few restless nights sitting by the window gazing at the stars, wondering where her old best friend was now.

It was the letter that had started this nostalgia, Lily thought. A few weeks ago Dumbledore had called her and James to his office at Hogwarts, one of the few places that were still safe. He told them a prophecy had been made about their son, that he was the one destined to vanquish the Dark Lord once and for all. James had thought it a bit ridiculous and probably still did, but Lily had been in awe. To think her baby was to be a hero, it was inspiring. Either way, Voldemort had learned of the prophecy and was determined to kill Harry and her and James along with him. That had sobered her. But Dumbledore assured them that he planned on concealing them by using the Fedailleus charm. They had chosen Sirius to be their secret keeper (although James had recently convinced her to change to Peter without telling anybody), and the spell was cast. They wouldn’t be able to leave the house, but at least they would be safe. Just before they’d left, Dumbledore had given her a letter.

“What’s this?” Lily had asked.

“It’s…from an old friend,” Dumbledore had said, and nothing more. 

Later that night, alone in her room, Lily had read the letter. It was from Severus…

_My Dearest Lily,_

_This is about my hundredth attempt at writing this letter. There’s just so much to say, and I don’t know how to say it. I don’t even know if you will read it, but I had to try. It may be that Dumbledore didn’t tell you who relayed the prophecy to Voldemort out of pity for me, but you deserve to know the truth. I was listening at the door while Dumbledore was interviewing a new Divination professor and overheard the prophecy. Being a Death Eater I immediately told the Dark Lord all that I knew. I was beyond horrified when I heard he believed the prophecy meant you you’re son and was after your family. I didn’t know, I couldn’t have known, and I know that’s no excuse and I hate myself and every single thing I’ve done but If you’re still reading this I want you to know that I’m so, so sorry. Words could never convey my remorse._

_I begged Dumbledore to protect you, and in return he requested that I become a double agent. I don’t want to be a Death Eater anymore, but I promised him anything, and this is the only way I can fight for you. He said I could teach potions at Hogwarts._

_I’m not asking for your forgiveness Lily, because I know I don’t deserve it. But I couldn’t move forward without you knowing everything. If I could turn back time, I’d stop myself from calling you a mudblood, and then maybe everything would have been different. Maybe you would’ve trusted me more, and I would’ve had the courage to make the leap. Maybe I would never have become a Death Eater, and you wouldn’t be in mortal danger. And maybe, just maybe, we would have been together._

_But none of that matters now, and I know that door is closed to us. All I want right now is to be your best friend again. If you can find it in your heart, please come meet me in Dumbledore’s office when we have the opportunity. If not, I will understand. If you’re still reading this, maybe you don’t hate me like I think you will, and I thank you. I love you, Lily Evans, and nothing can ever, ever change that._

_Yours forever and always,_

_Severus_

The parchment had been dotted with teardrops, and a few of Lily’s had joined them while reading the letter. Her eyes still burned every time she thought about it. And since then she’d been consumed with nostalgia, unable to get Severus out of her head. Lily felt so sorry for him, and she also wished she could turn the clock back. She was obsessed with wondering what would have happened if their friendship had never been broken. She had loved Severus once, and she loved him still; she just didn’t know what that meant.

Another loud bang came from the sitting room, followed by Harry’s peal of laughter. Lily looked over her shoulder with a sad little smile. No, she could never regret James or Harry; she loved them both so much. She wished Severus had been happy, but she did not wish she hadn’t married James. 

Lily touched the silver doe charm bracelet she always wore. Severus had given it to her for Christmas during their fifth year. And every single year since then, without fail, he’d given her a new charm along with a little note. Sixth year he’d given her a lily flower charm with a note reading, “for my lovely Lily.” Seventh year he’d given her a little cauldron charm with a note reading, “please remember me.” The next year it was a golden lion and the note read. “for my brave Gryffindor.” The next year it was a silver serpent gilded with flowers and the note read, “I hope you didn’t forget me. And last year he sent her a raven charm with a note saying, “I miss you.”

Lily missed her best friend too. She had been sad about his loss for so long, but now there was a glimmer of hope on the horizon. After much effort she’d finally convinced James to reconcile with Severus, and even gotten him to consent to letting Severus be godfather if they had another child. Tomorrow was the day Lily was going to finally see Severus again, and she could tell him all she and James had decided, everything that had been happening in her life, that she still loved him, and most importantly that she forgave him. And tonight, she was going to tell James that she was pregnant, a month along now.

With a contented sigh, Lily dried her hands with the dishcloth and made her way into the sitting room. James was making different color smoke and sparks come from his wand, with an occasional bang to join in the fun. Harry was sitting on the loveseat, laughing and trying to catch the smoke. Lily laughed at the sight.

“Alright, it’s time for my two children to go to bed!” Lily said.

James laughed. “Whatever you say, mother!” He tossed his wand on the loveseat, stretched, then picked up Harry and carried him over to Lily.

Lily held out her arms to them, and James put Harry in them and then swooped in for a kiss.

“My two silly men!” Lily laughed.

Crash! The happy moment was cruelly cut short by what sounded like the door being blasted open. Lily stared up into James’ eyes and saw her own dread reflected in them. James grabbed her face and kissed her fiercely, as though the fate of the world depended on it, and she responded with the same passion. Then he kissed Harry’s forehead, and with one last look at his wife and child, sprinted into the foyer.

“Lily, take Harry and go!” she heard James cry. “It’s him! Go! Run! I’ll hold him off!”

Lily obeyed, dashing up the back stair, her instinct to protect her son. But all she could think about was James standing there alone. He didn’t even have his wand…

“Avada Kedavra!” bellowed a high, cold voice. 

A flash of green light illuminated the hall. Lily could see it spill in around the door of the nursery.

“James!” Lily shrieked. “JAMES!” 

There was no escape. She had no wand, and even if she did you couldn’t take an infant with side-along apparition. She had no broomstick, no fireplace, no means of making a portkey. Even as she pushed the dresser and changing table in front of the door she knew her fate was death. It might as well have been set in stone now. But still that instinct to survive would not give up hope. She could almost sense Voldemort coming up the stairs, and she took her baby in her arms.

“Harry, don’t be afraid,” Lily whispered. “You’re going to live tonight. You have a great destiny ahead of you. You’re going to stop this evil some day, and I’m sorry Momma and Dadda can’t be here for you, but you’ll be okay. You’re greatest strength will be love; give it freely to others, and never shut it out. Harry be safe. Be strong. Harry Momma loves you. Daddy loves you.”

Harry had been smiling through this, his little hands grabbing at her face, curiously touching the tears on her cheeks. When Lily told him his parents loved him, he cooed and rammed his head into her chest, arms circling her neck. Lily smiled in spite of herself, a little astonished he had not cried. She held him tight and kissed the top of his head.

The door was forced open, the dresser and changing table flung aside with another loud bang. Lily set her baby gently down in his crib, then turned and threw her arms wide, shielding him in one last effort to protect. And it was so that she faced her fate.

The Dark Lord was tall and skeletally thing, covered with a black hooded cloak that seemed to move eerily even as he stood still. The face beneath the cloak was horrible to behold; it was bone white, with red snake-like eyes and slits for nostrils. 

“Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!” Lily begged.

“Stand aside, you sill girl…stand aside, now.” Said the high, cold voice. He flicked his wand to the side, motioning her out of the way.

Lily didn’t understand. He had killed James immediately, why was he asking her to move?

“Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead—”

“This is my last warning—”

“Not Harry! Please…have mercy…have mercy…not Harry! Not Harry! Please—I’ll do anything—”

“Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!”

For a moment, time seemed to stand still. Lily felt the curse coming; she knew she was out of time. She reached behind her and grabbed her child’s hand, locking a memory of his face into her heart. She thought of James, lying dead down in the hall. He would be waiting for her, she knew. She thought of Severus, how she would never get to tell him she forgave him, or that they could be friends again. She thought of her unborn child that she hadn’t gotten to tell anybody about, that would die before ever living. She thought of her son, now alone with the burden of destiny. 

Then time sped up again, and Lily saw the wand raise, and she closed her eyes. The last thing she saw on this earth was James, Severus, and Harry, each of them with arms outstretched towards her. James was calling her away, Severus was calling her back, and Harry was just calling her.

Then everything was gone.


End file.
